Saturday, December 1, 2007

Comments about Friends, and Isolation, and Words

I consider Marine Kelley one of my dearest friend in SL, kind, sweet, and...very, very scary. What really scares me is that I *know* I should be scared of her, but I'm not.

For evidence that I should be scared of her: Eudeamon And yes, she's as serious as a heart attack about this and so is S-6734, formerly known as Sophia Barrett. I was unable to read past Chapter 6 as of yet.

I was allowed a unique privilege, I was allowed to speak to S-6734, Miss Kelley allowed this, but only at a price. Three more days in the Bane Suit for every 15 minutes that I visited, I spoke quickly, trying to get in at 15 minutes or a bit less, to avoid making it six additional days.

She remained gagged, tightly, so communication to me from her was barely intelligible, but I was able to speak to her, and to say that I, and others missed her terribly. I also got to tell her that, in a way, I envied her but I'd NEVER do what she did. Her reply was completely unintelligible, but yet, I knew she was saying something about Miss Kelley making a suit for me. Which is exactly the comment I'd expect from S-6734.

I got my last comment in at about 14 minutes, and afterwards, Miss Kelley and I spoke. I felt very bad about adding time to her sentence, only able to hear gag-talk and excruciatingly short emotes. It wasn't much time, at least, not as a percentage of her total time, but still. Miss Kelley reassured me that it was good for me to know that she was OK, and that it was good for her to know that she wasn't truly abandoned, and so did "Bubble Girl"(a.k.a. Sophia Barrett) on Miss Kelley's blog.

But Miss Kelley also said afterwards that no further interaction would be permitted, as it was too painful for both parties. That hurt, that I actually drove her further away, for trying to be with her for a little bit. I spent a bit of time examining my reasons for wanting to speak to her, I wanted to do that, not so much out of concern for her, but for selfish reasons, that, I think was the real reason I felt bad. It wasn't that I felt bad about what was being done to her, in fact, I find the idea extremely hot, it was my motivations for doing so. My belief is that no matter how good a result of an action, if it had a bad motivation, it will be forever tainted by the motivation, and I was greedy, pure and simple.

Why was I unable to read past Chapter 6? Why was I so affected by S-6734's condition? In SL, we're represented by wonderfully detailed avatars, but in the end, in SL, we are limited only by our ability to communicate. And S-6734 can't, except to Miss Kelley, and so, until S-6734's sentence is up, Sophia Barrett has ceased to be. In chapter 6, the protagonist is controlled as she tries to write, and no intelligible words can be written and she can't speak at all, I tried to imagine myself utterly unable to communicate for even a few months. If I'd had a more vivid imagination, I'd probably have had a panic attack.

But in spite of all this scariness floating around Miss Kelley, there are perhaps three people in SL that I've me that I'd trust if I were wearing one in-world, and she's one of them.


Marine Kelley said...

I must admit it hurt me a little to have lead you two in this painful process. Had I known it would make you feel bad... I don't know if I had authorized this in the first place. But then again, it's part of the experience.

S-6734 is going well and is in good shape. Her isolation is doing her good, actually better than expected.

Your reaction and reasons for feeling bad are honorable and fair. It did hurt you more than S-6734 though, because she knows this will have an end. As I said, it's very much like forced vacation.

When someone dear to you dies, you cry first for selfish reasons (no wrong in that, it's totally human). Sophia has not died, she has just vanished out of existence for a limited amount of time. *Limited* and *short*.

And... Please read the novel further. If you don't, you'll completely miss the point of the story. I mean it :)


Marine Kelley

Marine Kelley said...

PS : It's S-6734. Not S-6374 :p

Giri said...

Jay, I hope I am one of the few you trust.... And I to read the story and have become fasinated, drawn, compelled to the story and wanting the experience of what S-6734 is going through

Hartie said...

Hi Jay,

i keep tracking this whole "Experiment" at Marine's Blog as well as here. Honestly i am a bit scared about that scenario, and curious how it feels at the same Time. It will be interesting to see how you do when the Implant in you is activated by Miss Giri and i hope to see here (or inworld) some feedback after that experience.

Sophia finally is out of the suit right now and no longer "S-6734" and i hope she is doing well now. However, i have much respect what she and Marine have done!

Hartie Scheflo

lexi said...

I agree with Marine and others *DO* read on. i had to read it bits and pieces and still after having it read 4 or 5 times there are still parts that made me well up (yes, I am soppy sod lol).